It is 1:28am and I am wide awake. It might have something to do with the coke that is sitting on the desk. The one that I shouldn't be drinking if I ever want to shed these extra pounds.

But that is not why I came to blog.

Tonight, or today I am feeling weepy, happy,antsy,creative, thankful, sexy, deeply in love and thoroughly alive!

I find myself searching art project books for just the right project for Emi, our budding artist.

I find myself cuddling the littles and sniffing the tops of their heads and never wanting to forget that smell.

I look at Z and I am amazed at the wonderful gift that she is, the healing she has brought to my wounded heart. She truly lives up to the meaning of her name "Life brings Joy"

I embrace my husband and realize that I am more deeply in love with him than I was 13 years ago.

I visit here, here, and here and feel so inspired.

I find myself thanking God so often these days for the blessing that I have. I ask for many many years to experience them all.

I breath and I am aware of my breath, the life that is in me.

I smile at strangers hoping that I can pass on the joy, the fervor that I feel for living strong.

Live Out Loud!

Live Out Loud!

Live Out Loud!

Picture in your mind a sense of personal destiny.
- Wayne Oates

It seems that everyone is on the mend. Zoe and I missed any illness and I am so grateful for that.

The spot on Ace's leg that they thought was staph actually turned out to be strep. Weird I know but I would rather that than staph. The spot has healed and both Emi and Ace are almost finished with their antibiotics. They have both done well taking them. It's the first they have ever had.

Jorry is getting better everyday but he is still very tired. If anyone has any suggestions for anything that will help with the fatigue let me know. He is taking a B complex and Vit. C everyday.

Thank you to all of the new visitors to my blog and for expressing your concern for us. I hope to stop by each of your places for a visit.

I am also thankful to all of my regular visitors for their thoughts and prayers.

A few pictures to leave you with. The girls are growing and I have an update blog rolling around in my head. Hopefull I'll get to post it in the next few days.

Be blessed for you are all a blessing to me!

Little Z. 5months

Future babywearer Ace 2yr

Another future babywearer Emi 4yr

Curly girl Aly 13yr

Trimming the tree SiSi 10yr

Just a super quick run down

Jorry was diagnosed with mono and strep on Christmas day--1st ER visit

Emi was diagnosed with strep Christmas day--2nd ER visit

Oh and we were out of state for those.

Get home the 29th

Jorry is getting better.

Today Emi relapses.

Ace joins the sick gang with strep and a staph infection.

Prayers,positive thoughts and natural treatment suggestions all appreciated.

FOR TODAY December 16th 2008 (a day late)

Outside my window... I see the winter grass.

 
I am thinking...about my dad.

I am thankful for...socks,a television that is turned off and sweet baby noises.

From the learning rooms...uninhibited exploration abounds.

From the kitchen...lots of work is waiting.

I am wearing...warm pajamas

I am creating...hats, gloves and gnome beds.

I am going...to clean my kitchen today

I am reading...Seven times the Sun

I am hoping...to create tradition with my kids

I am hearing...questions from my children.

Around the house...life is bountiful.

One of my favorite things...Zoe's new ability to squeal.

A few plans for the rest of the week: wrap gifts, pack for our trip.

Here is a picture thought I am sharing:

http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/

I'm going home for Christmas this year. I get to see my grandparents, my mom, my siblings,my niece and nephew and countless aunts, uncles and cousins.

And I should be so happy and excited, but I'm not because not included in that list is my dad.

I see his face in my minds eye everyday. I wish I could smell him still but it won't come to me.

I won't feel his hand or hear his laugh.

I will visit a cold headstone with an inscription about a man that was so much more than a beginning and an ending.

He had so many stories left to share.

More grandchildren to meet.

I know that once I get there I will get caught up in seeing everyone and that the sadness will be flooded over with joy.

It's the days leading up to the trip that are the hardest.

Have I told you about my dad?

He was the white Bill Cosby. I swear he could make you laugh with such ease.

He believed that everyone should be required to watch "Bill Cosby Himself" at different points in their life. Required viewing instead of required reading.

I once asked him about something he had in a hidden away place and he said "If I told you then I would have to kill you." I'm pretty sure he wasn't joking.

He was career Navy. He was handsome in his dress whites. He wore them to my highschool graduation and sat in a non-airconditioned gym, in late May in southern Mississippi and I never once heard him complain.

He loved Whoppers candy.

He loved all his kids fiercely.

I think he loved his grandkids even more fiercely.

His favorite author was Louis L'Amour and Tom Clancy.

He loved to look for history in the dirt. He would have loved archaeology.

He had few true friends but the ones he had would die for him and he for them.

If he hadn't been in the Navy I think he would have been a cowboy.

Of all the places we lived, Scotland was his favorite.He always wanted to go back.

My dad was the best and I miss him tons.

Hug those you love, give grace to those who annoy you, and make memories everyday.

A few weeks ago I was talking with a mom about being transparent. She was telling me about the book

 Lies Homeschooling  Moms Believe by Todd Wilson

She said that it talked about how as homeschooling moms we think that everyone's house is clean, they sit down to dinner at the same time everyday, all the laundry is done etc. And we think we are the only ones that don't have it all together. Most days I think having it all together is overrated. I mean where is the fun in being able to go to your dresser draw to find a pair of clean matching socks?? It's much more fun to search for a clean matching pair among the 60+ socks that are in the sock basket! You know,the basket where all the unmatched socks go? The basket that sits, and sits and sits until someone decides that clean matching socks in their drawer isn't as overrated as they once thought.

Then there are days where I would really like to have things all together and I try really hard for about a week. My personality is such that I am only consistent in being inconsistent. I'm not beating up on myself. I am, most days,just fine with how I am. Some days not so much.

But back to being transparent. As humans we are seldom transparent because we don't want to be judged or thought ill of. No one ever says "Look how messy her house is." in a good way. We like to hear that we have it all together. I know I do.

The truth is though I don't have it altogether. And so today I will be transparent about my life.

A lot of days my couch looks like this

In fact the loveseat next to me is full of about 3 loads of clothes right now.

The living room can look like this:

But more often than not it looks like this:

I would like to say that I never ever raise my voice but my kids would tell you differently. I yell way too much.

I leave dishes in the sink and go to bed without any thought of them.

My tub needs to be cleaned and I likely won't get to it today.

I don't cook every night, sometimes my husband does and sometimes we just eat whatever we can find in the fridge.

I am almost always behind on laundry.

I don't bake bread every week.

 I cuss when I am mad.

I would rather knit than clean the house and a lot of times that is what happens.

My teenager and I don't always get along.

The kids fight with each other.

I have unidentifiable items in the fridge.

You cannot see my bedroom floor.

I don't dust weekly, I sometimes don't dust monthly.

I do vacuum everday sometimes twice. Not because I love to vacuum but because cheerio crumbs stick to my feet. Remember clean matching socks are hard to find in this house.

I sweep everyday for the same reason as above.

I have fallen asleep in my clothes that I wore for the day.

I often wear my pajamas all day.

My littles have aversions to cothes and are often not worried about matching socks.

We have a toddler bed at the foot of our bed and it is used for holding things, not for a sleeping child.

You currently can't walk into my walk in closet without having to step over something.

And the garage contains a lot of things none of them being a car.

There you go, my transparency for the week. I don't have it all together. There are more things I could list but I will end here.

Don't believe the lies!!!

You know you're a mother when.....

you sit down to put on your shoes,get one on,  and then turn to find a half eaten granola bar on the arm of the couch. So mid shoe application you get up to go throw it away. As you are doing that you see that the couch cushion is crooked so you straighten it up. Then you go throw away the granola bar all while wearing one shoe.

That's it, there isn't any more!

Life seems to roll by faster than I can get my thoughts down on screen.

I am getting better each day with learning to live with the chaos that my life can sometimes be. When I say chaos please understand that it isn't in the negative light that the word is often used. I see it more as a  life that is so full that when I have so much that I want to pour into my kids, my husband, myself, my extended and my friends that it can be chaotic. All the emotions flying to meet the person they were intended for, praying they are received with the way they were sent. Watching each of my daughters grow a little bit each day all in their own way. Careful not to interfere, to maintain my place as the water and the wheel in the formation of this wonderful person. Growing my marriage with my husband to a deeper level everyday, really seeing who he is, who we are as a couple and how two separate beings can so wholly be one. Building friendships ever so gently and cautiously with the people that God has placed in my life...stretching myself to see them for who they are and to help meet their needs as they work to meet mine.

Truly focusing on the eternal and not on the temporal. Seeing past the clutter that exists in the living room to truly live in the moment of dancing to silly music or while playing an intense game of Candyland. Time passes too quickly to worry about how clean my house is or what someone who shows up unexpectedly will think of me. I am not promised any number of days and I really don't want someone to remember how clean my house was. If they remember me at all I want them to say she didn't waste a moment, she lived life to the fullest and she cherished it all.

I'm not there yet but I'm on my way.

And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.-Abraham Lincoln

Last week flew by and I can't even remember all that we did!

This week feels like it's going to move much the same way.

The big girls went to Michigan Sunday. I won't see them again until next week Monday. They are spending time with their great-grandparents and then they will stay with their grandparents a few days. I miss them.

I finished Josh's hat

He's my big little brother by the way.  

Friday the bigs had a homeschool group event to attend. I dropped them off and drove around in the middle of no where while the littles napped. I hoped to find some barns to photograph. I found one and only one that I felt was picture worthy. I love barns,

The littles woke up just as I was picking up the bigs.

We then headed over to drop Aly off at a friends house to spend the night. We left there and got about 3min. down the road when I heard what I thought was a flat tire. It wasn't. So I got back in to pop the hood and the silly thing wouldn't work. Fortunately there was a farmer in the field across the way and he stopped to help me get it open. It was the serpintine belt.

I had called Jorry and when he showed up he decided to vall road side assistance. That's when our friend drove up  and said that he could fix it we just had to go back to his house. It's a good thing we weren't too far.

3hours later we are back on the road grateful to have only had to buy the belt. That is until I hear a noise under the van a a minute later my bettery light comes on. The belt came off.

So we load the kids in Jorry's work vehicle and call roadside assstance to have it towed. All the while I'm praying and asking God to keep any cars from rear ending us. We were off on the side of the road but it was dark and people fly on that road.

We made it home safe and sound. The van wound up needing the belt and a water pump.

I've never been so grateful for my cell phone!

 Yesterday the littles and I went to our friend Pam's house to work on Christmas gifts.

Today is my day to work at our food co-op.

Tomorrow we head up north a short way to visit more friends.

Homeschool co-op is Thursday

Friday is park day.

Sat. I'm having mom get together.

Sunday I'm pretty sure I will need to rest!

  I'm back!! Did you miss me?

Thank you for all the notes that were left. I took the time off to focus on the family and somewhat in honor of the one year anniversary of my dad's passing.

While I was gone I turned this:

Into this about a thousand times:

 I made these:

I loved on these:

Enjoyed the outdoors with the family:

Got in front of the camera more:

Enjoyed the Dynamic Disaster Duo and started putting a routine in place for them:

Watched time go by waay too fast:

 Soaked in baby love:

Missed an awesome man:

And today I turn another year older.

34 things I want for my birthday in honor of my 34th! In no particular order.

1. Our troops to come home

2.More conversations with my dad

3. Dove milk chocolate

4. More yarn and knitting needles

5.To meet Sean Connery

6. To love myself unconditionally

7.A date with my husband

8. No TV in the house

9. A larger house to live in the country

10. The book The Last Child in the Woods

11. More time

12. A clone

13. Less housework

14. A nap

15. A dog

16. More patience

17. To do a better job of letting my kids know I love them

18. To live without fear

19. To be a good example for my girls

20. To create wonderful family memories

21. To Love deeper

22. To give more

23. To do a better job of living in the moment

24. To focus on the eternal and not on the temporal

25. Laugh more

26. Laugh loud

27. Dance more

28. Care less about what others think

29. Care more about what my kids think

30. To be a blessing to others

31. Smile more

33. Cherish more

34. Live out Loud

MUCH LOVE!!!!