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As a friend of mine pointed out on Facebook earlier today "New Traditions" does kind of sound off. Not sure what you would call it when you begin something that you want to become a tradition. Maybe I should say I am starting something tonight that I hope will become a tradition for our family." :)
Tonight, once our 13yo daughter arrives home we will light the first of four candles in our advent wreath. Advent has always been the calendar countdown from December 1st through Christmas day. We will have one of those as well but this year I have felt a great desire to really connect on a deeper spiritual level than previous years.
Four candles representing hope, love, joy and peace. I haven't decided if we will have the 5th candle for Christmas day. Right now I like how it looks and the plans that I have in place. Scripture, explanation, lighting the candle, song and then prayer. Simple and meaningful. My girls are invited to join us and I hope that they will.
Joining Ginny at Small Things for this week's yarn along. I am working on a shawl with a yarn that I absolutely love! It is knit picks DK swish and it is yummy. I am also enjoying the pattern as well. Super easy to remember and it goes quite fast. You can find the pattern here
As for reading I am going to be pulling out the book Easy to Love Difficult to Discipline today. I need to refresh my memory and put some more gentle parenting tools in my tool box. I seem to be reverting to yelling and that is just not cool.
You are a hard month for me, a bag of mixed emotions. The crispness of the air and the smell of warm things cooking in the kitchen make me fall in love with you.
The changing of the leaves, is a reminder that life is full of seasons and changes that lead to new growth.
Apples, pumpkins, and red cheeks from the winds that blow in, are all things that I love about you.
And then there are the days that I don't love. The memories of the days of frantic phone calls, rapid travel plans, fear, sadness, and anger.
The memories of the hole that was torn in my heart. Tears that seemed to be never ending then, that still flow at times when I least expect it.
The feeling of helplessness. The struggle to remember his voice, his smile, his touch. The immense sadness that feels like it might crush me.
It isn't your fault. You didn't ask to be the month that carried my sadness. Still here it is and here you are. I am not sure why this year your presence has beckoned an even deeper sadness than previous years. It doesn't feel like it has been four years, it feels like it just happened.
With every gust of wind I feel my breath taken away. The pain in my heart more cold and empty than the moment before.
I need you to move on. Please don't linger. I feel as if you will never go and that this intense sadness will swallow me whole. I am not strong this year. Please understand. We will meet again next year and maybe then I will be stronger.
With mixed emotions,
I am still plugging along with my weight watchers. I haven't tracked my food very well but I am still eating correct portions and getting plenty of calories. My exercise is back up to the 4x a week. After a vacation break if feels good to be back exercising. My weigh in today showed that I stayed the same. I had a 2lb loss last week so I am happy with that. I have to remind myself that muscle weighs more than fat. So far this week(beginning Monday) I have walked 8 miles with a Walk away the pounds video and have done one hour of Zumba.
Tomorrow starts the September Amp the Activity Challenge
Pick your track, 3miles, 4miles or 5miles daily, then do that number of miles everyday in Sept with the exception of Saturdays and Sundays. There are mini challenges for each day. Just something to boost the metabolism even more. There is a printable calendar at the bottom of the blog post. Print it out, hand it up and get ready to feel fit by the end of the month!!
If you join let me know. My cousin Karyn and I have accepted the challenge and would love to have other join us. Just comment to let me know.
Happy Walking Everyone!!!
I just deleted my radical unschoolers network account. I hardly participated there but I felt sad when I did it. I think I am still more sad about this change than I let myself believe.